Jesus with me.

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Sometimes I don’t feel loveable
And everything I do seems wrong
I try and feel I don’t succeed
And it’s hard to sense I belong.
I wonder how it’s possible
That Jesus could love someone like me
He must have it wrong I often think
To love me it couldn’t possibly be
Maybe He doesn’t actually know me
If he did he’d surely turn away
All the things Ive done and sometimes do
He must shake his head each time I pray.
But when I’m feeling at a low
He whispers in my mind
“I forgive you, I’ll always be with you
From now until the end of time”.
I shake my head in disbelief
“How could you love such as me?”
“My child you are made for a purpose
And in time this you will come to see.
I will show you how much I love you
And you’ll never again wonder why”
With that he held out his arms each side
And for us he then chose to die.

Hello Lord, are you there?

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Hello lord, are you there?

You never leave, of course you are 

It’s me that sometimes forgets you

But I do love you, that’s very true. 

I need your help Lord

If I may? 

For I have some problems

That just won’t go away.

It seems I only call your name

If I need your help

Or someone to blame. 

I feel this storm will never end

Only you can help me mend 

Oh I know I’ve not been very good

I’ve not prayed as much as I really should.

But Lord this storm just will not go

I’m trying hard to not feel low

But my life seems just so  full of rain

Would you mind just taking some of the pain?

A bit of sun would change so much

I’m begging for your loving touch

I know you’re never far away 

Please take all this if you may.

I feel like a ship out at sea

Battered and thrown, lord please help me?

Just quiet the waters until I’m strong

I’m trying my best to do no wrong 

But I feel like shouting and calling out

What is this storm all about?

I promise I’ll never judge like I do now

I’ll remember this feeling and remember how

My life is in turmoil and upside down

Lord I’m asking for you to help me mend? 

About you…..

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If I was writing a poem about you
What would I say?
I could include the fact that I want to talk to you
Each minute of every day.
I could write the exact minute of knowing you
But how do you know when a connection starts?
One day you’re passing time with innocent talk
The next you’re telling the details of your heart.
I could say that you mean more to me than I thought possible,
How did “hello” turn into confessions of the soul?
Feelings that have been kept inside and thought forgotten years ago.
I could say how you always make me want to be better. How you make me feel I can do anything. How if we had a thousand years left together that there would still be a million subjects to talk about.
How in a room of many there’s just your voice I want to hear. I could write how I don’t notice the others as yours are the words that keep me near.
I could write that love is so complicated yet also so simple. How you just know when someone is meant to receive it.
And I’d write that what you give me.. time, patience, understanding….. makes me want to give you my love
And all that goes with it.

Friendship?

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Friendship?

I want to learn everything about you
I want to talk until the sun disappears
And then in the darkness of nighttime
I want to learn all your dreams and your fears
Let’s go and see a thousand things you and I
Let’s go together and experience something new
Shall we make unforgettable memories?
And then I’ll always have something of you.
Connections happen quite rarely
Friendships like ours are hard to find
So let’s not waste any moment
Tell me what’s deep in your mind.
When we’re apart I just think all about you
And think of the things we can do
My friend I’m just so glad I met you
And my heart wants to have time with you.

New touch

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if cells are renewed every 7 years
that means I have a body that only you’ve touched.
My skin has only known tenderness, kindness
affection and deep pleasure
with no memory etched on it of the pain it’s known.
That means it doesn’t know what it’s like
to feel the shudder of unwanted fingers
or the bruises of fists and feet.
it’s not felt broken. Or dirty with the weight of unwanted bodies.
This body now knows only happiness and safety
it has no trace of the unpleasant past.
It has only known you, your hands, your mouth
your love.
And it will only know you in that way
The love of the rest of my life.

Unfinished

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I try to push you away
Ive told my heart to let you go
But it won’t let me forget you
Because I love you so.

Am I getting too much now?
Do I often make you sad?
If I left your life forever
Would you finally be glad,?

Do I make you feel unhappy?
Do you wish we’d never met?
I will leave you if you want me to
How will I live with such regret?

I think of you in the morning.
I dream of you every night
You make me feel I’m safe
When your arms are around me tight.

The real me

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Now you know the real me
I don’t doubt you want it to end.
I’m not pretty enough
My scars are too deep
I’m not fun to be around
My heart only now weeps.
I’m not good enough
I’m too far gone
Just to feel wanted
Is what Id really for long.
My body’s too ugly
My mind too confused
You’re so gentle to me for
I’ve too much been abused.
I know you don’t want me
I don’t blame you at all
I’ve been hurt so many times
I’ve left up a wall.
I’m worthless and ruined
You’re too good for such as me
You can turn away and leave
Alone is all I deserve to be.

When you touch me…..

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When you touch me I don’t flinch
Not with you.
I know you only have tender fingers
You don’t leave me black and blue.
Your words are soft to my heart
Like warm days and sunsets and
Everything soft. Not like the jagged glass
I’m used to of cruel insults and harshness
that cut deep and forever last.
You do everything to raise me up like
I’m worth something and sometimes…
sometimes I believe it …
Until the past that lowered me pushes in my
mind like stuck in grit
after a cut. My cuts you try and heal..
the ones deep inside that never really closed
and were all I’d feel…
But sometimes you slowly form scars
Over the wounds and you lift
off the bars
that cover my feelings. I’m not scared with you.
I’m not scared to be naked in body or mind.
I know the only things you do to me
Are coming from your heart that’s kind .

Wishes

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Hold me in your arms
And tell me we belong
Be mine for one last time
Before our dream has gone.

Make my heart seem whole
And bring me peace again inside
Let our love be open
Before my feelings have to hide

Tell me I am yours
Even if only for this small while
Think of noone else
And give me one more time to smile.

Touch me hold me love me
Let us join once more together
If only for this moment let me
Feel you’re mine forever.

Losing You

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The pain of the thought of losing you

Is so intense

I think the real pain will be too much.

It will be like sitting in a black hole with no way out and getting in there

was not a choice.

There will be no point to anything.

To waking, to breathing, to sleeping

Actually No.

Sleep will be welcome

with dreams of you still being there

Its the waking that I would hate.

When the reality will hit with a force that will take away every breath.

What will be the point in the sun when you have become the light of my life?

Why would the moon be there when theres only me to see it?

What would laughter be without you to make it?

What would be the point in me anymore when

My best piece isnt there?

I will wish I had listened more, hugged longer and made every minute a memory.

The hole will make me fall without an end,

how will I get out

when its always been you thats

shown me the way?